10 Ways to Be Sexy and Graceful as You Age: Old is the New Youth

Gone are the days of wearing orthopedic shoes and itchy polyester dresses. Today, older Black women are rewriting the narrative of aging. We are rewiring our mindset to embrace our sensuality and sexuality. As we honor our connection to our bodies, desires, and wisdom, we are learning that sexiness has no expiration!

Here are 10 empowering practices you can incorporate into your daily lifestyle that will help you increase your awareness of your sexuality and age gracefully.

1.      Sexy is a Mindset – Rock Your Confidence!

Sexiness begins within! Confidence is a priority in living comfortably in your sexy life. Glide into every room as you own it. Hold your head high, keep your posture straight, let those hips do the talking, and do not forget that fabulous smile. Give yourself grace and work on moving into the space that is made for you. Your energy is needed, and others need to feel your positive vibes! What stops you from being the greatest version of yourself? Why?

2.      Prioritize Your Skincare –

Healthy skin is vital, and our melaninated skin requires extra care to maintain a youthful glow. Treat yourself to facials regularly, stay well hydrated with quality water, and, yes, Black skin must use sunscreen to protect it from dark spots and premature aging. Pamper yourself with a massage that relieves tension, stimulates blood flow, and improves the lymphatic system. Create a daily or weekly skincare routine for your face and body that will give you the glow you desire. Remember, there are inexpensive ways you can add facials, body scrubs, and other pamperings to your routine. Homemade, natural ingredients that you already have can help you make DIY facials, hair and scalp treatments, and bath oils and bombs. You do not have to break the bank to look and feel your best.

3.      Move Your Body –

Dance in your living room or bedroom like no one is watching, take a yoga class, or check out a sexy pole dance fitness, burlesque, or belly dance class. Let your hips sway to the beat as you awaken your sensual energy. What is the overall look and feel you are going for when it comes to fitness and your body? Are you trying to lose or gain weight? Are you happy with your weight, but do you need to tighten and tone? As we age, movement is essential for our bones and joint health. If you are burned out from your regular workout routine, switch it up and look into something new. Indoor rock climbing, kickboxing, rollerskating, or weightlifting can help you kick it up a notch. Your body should reflect what makes you feel confident and sexy, and keeping it in motion will help you get there.

4.      Invest in Sexy Loungewear or Lingerie –

Invest in lingerie or loungewear that makes you feel royal and sexy. You do not have to have a special reason to wear it or a partner to wear it for. Purchase a new cute panty and bra set or a silky gown. The type of material does not matter. From cotton to satin and anything in between, as long as you feel comfortable and alluring, you are doing well! Investing in sexy loungewear or pajamas can boost your confidence, enhance your intimate life, and help you embrace your body. Lingerie and pajamas are not just for the young. The soft-flowing mou-mous our crazy aunts, grandmothers, and Mrs. Roper from Threes Company used to wear has made a comeback! Add a few colorful ones to chill around the house in. Show yourself some love, expand your nightwear, and sleep in style. Sensuality paired with confidence and beauty are priceless.

5.      Experiment with Sensory Stimulation –

Wake up each of your five senses with things to tickle your fancy. Slowly brush a feather up and down your body, light a scented candle, use aromatherapy, or create a charcuterie board with sweet, salty, and other foods. How can tapping into your five senses increase your sexual experience? It can connect you and your partner, heighten your awareness and presence, help you discover creativity, and encourage playfulness with yourself or your relationship. Let us look at a few examples of sensory stimulation for each of the five senses.

·         Sight: Create a visual sanctuary with string lights or candles. You can even try different colored lights to elevate the mood.

·         Hearing: Create a sensual soundtrack of your favorite romantic, sexy, jazzy, or soulful sounds. These songs should help you relax and connect with yourself or your partner.

·         Smell: Add essential oils, scented candles, or incense into your space. Lavender, vanilla, or geranium are just a few scents to elevate the mood in the atmosphere.

·         Taste: Indulge in decadent desserts, sweet, juicy fruits, chilled wine, or expensive chocolates. Be creative when making your tastebuds dance. 

·         Touch: Incorporate different materials on your body. Wrap in plush robes, silk or satin pajamas, leather lingerie, or any material that can be touched, rubbed, or brushed against the skin.

Of course, you can combine any of these suggestions or your own to engage all five senses. Wear a soft blindfold while wearing a flowing robe while your partner feeds you sweet grapes, massages your body with warm, scented oil, and plays soulful old-school R&B music in the background. Explore and try what looks or feels good to you. The options are endless!

6.      Explore Self-Pleasure –

Discover what pleases you through self-exploration. Use tools and techniques that feel natural or normal to deepen intimacy with yourself. This can be incorporating a new vibrator, experimenting with lube, or trying out the popular rose. Or, you can stick with the basics and use your hands and fingers to bring you to a new level of passion. Do not forget to use your five senses—taste, hearing, touch, smell, and sight. As you learn more about your likes and dislikes, be gentle with yourself if you feel shame or embarrassment during your self-exploration. Something may trigger negative feelings from the past, such as how you were raised, religious beliefs, or relationships. Your feelings are valid. Ask yourself why these feelings surfaced and take time with your emotions. Do not be afraid to try new things; remember to find what works best on this journey of sexual discovery.

7.      Celebrate You –

Book a boudoir photoshoot, or be your own photographer and take alluring, sexy photos of yourself. Celebrate every curve, laugh line, and dimple. Wear some of the sexy lingerie you invested in, set a theme, let your five senses guide you on what you want to add as props in the photos, and be creative. Let this empowering and transformative experience remind you of the life you have lived to become the woman you are!

8.      Journal About Your Sexual Desires –

Keep a private journal where you explore your fantasies, desires, and experiences. Or, if you have a mate, create a shared journal where you can both write your sexual expectations and wishes. You can ask yourself questions or create a sexual or intimate bucket list. The list can contain everything you want to do before you expire. Think of being fun, creative, adventurous, and fulfilling. Journal writing can help deepen your understanding of your or your mate’s sensual side and needs.

9.      Attend or host an Intimacy Workshop –

Find a workshop that focuses on sexuality, sensuality, and intimacy. You can learn about the practice of tantra or take a how-to class, such as how to give amazing oral sex! Join social media groups, MeetUp, or do a Google search to find classes in your area or the next closest city. These safe spaces allow you to ask questions and connect with others on a similar journey.

10.  Read Erotically –

Go to your local library or bookstore and get some steamy, hot, seductive erotic literature. Look for works created by and for Black women to feel represented and inspired. Thank You, Ma’am: The Truth About Love and Sex of Older Black Women by me, Karyn J. Johnson, or Erotique Noire/Black Erotica are my favorites! They can both be found on Amazon under the “books” category. If you and your partner are brave enough, read an erotic short story or poem aloud and feel the temperature rise!

Remember, aging is a privilege, and you are allowed to own it with grace and sexiness as your ultimate power move. Raise a glass and toast to the modern woman—because we are not slowing down; we are just getting started.

Old is the New Youth