No Going Back: Sexy Is Here to Stay; 5 Sexy Nevers for Older Black Women

Once you embrace your sexiness, there’s no turning back. Keep your glow and your power—you deserve it all! We are leveling up to honor our bodies, desires, and who we are. We are dropping old habits and rewriting the manual about getting older to empower us regarding our emotional, mental, and physical health. Get your glow up as we review these five things you should stop doing and commit to living fully!

1. Never Dim Your Light to Make Others Comfortable
Your confidence, wisdom, and beauty are a gift. Don’t shrink yourself to fit someone else’s comfort zone. You have life experience, certificates, and degrees that make you certifiable. Speak up for yourself and set boundaries. Doing so will help you sleep much better at night. A few years ago, my motto for the New Year was, “I will not allow others to feel comfortable making me feel uncomfortable.” My light shines brighter than ever. Stand out, be bold, and own your space unapologetically—you’ve earned it!

2. Never Apologize for Your Sensuality
If you believe sexy has an expiration date, you’ve been lied to. You’re never too old to feel sexy or express your desires.

- Let go of any guilt or shame surrounding your sensual self.

- Release old beliefs that no longer serve you as you keep an open mind.

- Learn to feel comfortable in your skin and wear your confidence like a crown.

As I have gotten older, I had to readjust my thoughts and opinions of how my body has changed. The cellulite on the back of my thighs, I now call angel kisses. I have learned to embrace the new body I have gained, and I know I can still be sensual and sexy. Your body has brought you through so much and deserves love. Your sensuality isn’t up for approval; it’s for YOU. It’s the way you move, moan, or melt. Sensuality keeps you feeling alive, radiant, and connected to your body’s needs and desires. Indulge and enjoy.

3. Never Let Society Define What Sexy Means for You
Sexy isn’t about trends or what’s deemed acceptable. Sexy is classic and timeless, and it is about what makes you feel good. Sexy is about confidence and attitude. It’s redefining your sexiness on your terms and giving you the ultimate power. When it comes to clothes or fashion, sometimes a simple, crisp white shirt can add flair to an outfit. Chunky, unique jewelry can be a conversation starter. Or if red lipstick, bold prints, or a fabulous hat make you feel amazing, rock them with pride. I realize my style and tastes in clothing are changing. I have become comfortable switching up my look while remaining stylish. What worked for me in my 20s and 30s is not suitable or personally satisfying for my over 50-self now. Take time to update makeup, hairstyles, and shoes when needed. You determine what works for your body, style, and taste.

4. Never Neglect Your Pleasure and Well-Being
Sexy starts with self-care. Good sex is your birthright. True sexiness radiates from feeling good inside and out. Regular check-ups, good nutrition, and physical activity are key.

- Do not cheat yourself or compromise on your self-care routine.

- Create easy-to-follow skincare and workout routines. I wake up early enough in the morning to calmly but effectively get in a workout, meditate, and still do my facial routine. I can even throw in dry brushing my body before I hop in the shower. Throughout the day, I drink quality spring water and take time to snack or eat the proper foods that are good for me.

- Make appointments with your general practitioner, dentist, and eye doctor.

Make an appointment with yourself to pamper yourself at home. I have a Sunday Funday, where I give myself a face treatment, soak in a hot bath with salts and oils, and do whatever else I need to do to spoil myself and start my week off in hot girl mode.

Make your overall health, including your sexual health, a priority. Sexually, that means fulfilling your desires in the bedroom. Do not be afraid to make requests or instruct a lover or mate. Intentional, healthy steps exude a glow that comes from within. Healthy, hydrated skin is radiant and enhances your natural beauty. Good sex keeps you youthful!

5. Never Settle for Less in Any Relationship
Whether romantic, platonic, or familial, especially those situationships you should have ended long ago. You deserve to be surrounded by people who value, uplift, and respect you. Those shade throwers, back biters, and haters should have no place at your table. They are not your friends if they are unsupportive of your endeavors or cannot be present and assist when you are at your lowest point. That includes family as well. You have been selfless to many, and it’s time to be selfish. Be selective with who you allow in your circle and the relationships you keep. Erykah Badu said it best in her song, Appletree, pick your friends like you pick your fruit. Do not accept less than you deserve—your time and energy are precious. You deserve lovers who adore you, worship you, and appreciate every curve, dip, and angel kiss. You deserve conversations that will stimulate your mind and make your soul sing. You deserve relationships across the board that are fulfilling!

With these five nevers, you are now making a declaration to embrace your authentic self and make pleasure and sensuality a priority. Be true to yourself, set boundaries, and do not be afraid to try something new. These 5 ‘Nevers’ are helping you lay your foundation, build confidence, and increase your sexiness. Step boldly into your new chapter of life and watch your glow continue to shine! Aging is a privilege and an upgrade. You earned the right to take up space, make demands, and indulge in all your pleasures. Sensuality and sexuality are energy; I love how they make you feel!